Playing House
by Rune Silverstar
Summary: Tamaki/Kyouya. Kyouya would have been proud of the fact that his brain kicked from zero to overdrive in 0.1 seconds were it not for the fact that his mind had actually gone completely blank for an uncertain amount of time to begin with...
1. Mommy's POV

Title: Playing House (1/2)

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

Pairing: Tamaki/Kyouya

Rating: PG for kissing

Comments: Urm... Tamaki's actions make more sense after the next part with his POV. And I guess having read chapter 33 would help too. But go ahead and assume what you wish.

_**~ Mommy's POV is steady and thorough like Mommy's financial bookeeping is ~**_

It was just a few minutes before club hours and Kyouya always enjoyed those last few minutes in the Third Music Room before the chaos, with only the soft sound of his fingers dancing across the keyboard providing a familiar counterpoint to the silence of the room.

_tap tap tap tap_

Mori-senpai had kendo club on the opposite side of campus, and while he could have arrived on time if he ran straight over, he would inevitably be delayed by the fact that Hani-senpai would have fallen asleep waiting for him, resulting in both third years arriving late by an average of 15.9 minutes.

_tap tap tap scrish_

The Hitachiin brothers, by his calculations, were currently hiding outside the window of their homeroom, enjoying the results of the prank they had set up for their class rep. The fact that they'd appropriated certain props from the Host Club for that purpose was of course noted in the club ledger, and he would make them pay double the price in the upcoming Interschool Festival next week.

_tap tap scrish tap scrish_

Haruhi had most likely lost track of time in her corner of the third library and would arrive 3 to 5 minutes late. He would of course add a penalty fee to her debt, not that she would ever be informed of that fact.

_tap scrish scrish tap scrish scrish tap_

That left...

_scrish scrish TAP_

Kyouya gave his index finger a stern look where it was still resting on the standby button of his laptop, as if rebuking it for the unnecessary force behind that last stroke.

_scrish poink poink_

Picking up the club ledger from the desk, Kouya stood from the chair and turned around, presenting his usual bland smile at the person who had been so obviously inching up from behind him in the last few minutes and was now hunched over, nervously poking his index fingers together.

"What is it, 'Tousan'?"

Their idiot of a king, of course, was unfortunately the only member of the club who had too much spare time to bother him. And, more to the point, the only person period who could so easily get under his skin.

Today, Tamaki seemed to be stuck in one of his gloomy and pensive moods. Though as far as Kyouya was aware the twins had not said anything to set him off, and the speculation of what caused this particular mood swing was probably another factor to his current lack of patience.

"Anou... 'Kasan'..."

Kyouya weathered the pair of puppy eyes that stared back at him for all of 1.5 seconds before surrendering.

"Out with it already, Tamaki," he sighed, "what did your father tell you at dinner _this time_?"

Given his previous experiences with the elder Suoh's sense of humor, Kyouya was unsurprised by the hands that seized his shoulders, or the face that loomed close. But the breath that ghosted across his lips was a surprise right before... and was that an "anata" he thought he _must _have misheard...

The ledger slipped to the ground unheeded as Tamaki proved true to his mother's heritage in matters kissing.

_SLAM!_ "GYAH!!" "EH?!?"

...and that would be the sound of three first years walking in on them.

Kyouya would have been proud of the fact that his brain kicked from zero to overdrive in 0.1 seconds were it not for the fact that his mind had actually gone completely blank for an uncertain amount of time to begin with, as proven by the fact that he had no recollection of when his hands had wound themselves around Tamaki and into the other boy's uniform jacket or when he had been pressed precariously against the table.

"Tono's stealing our act!" One of the twins - obviously one with a deathwish - blurted out.

"I guess that means Haruhi's ours then!" The other twin - obviously the smarter one - added.

"WAAAHH!! Haruhi! Children mustn't walk in on Mommy and Daddy like that!"

Kyouya barely caught himself by the edge of the table as a blond whirlwind swept off of him to fuss over their rookie first year. He let a calculating smile creep across his face as he carefully straightened his hair and attire and looked up at the interlopers.

He was going to make those first years rue the fact that they walked in that door. And he was going to make Tamaki finish that 'conversation'.

Not necessarily in that order.

_~ Not really the end ~_

Translations:

'Tousan - Daddy

'Kasan - Mommy

anata - term of endearment between couples

Tono - Lord


	2. Daddy's POV

Title: Playing House (2/2)

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

Pairing: Tamaki/Kyouya

Rating: PG for kissing

Comments: Do NOT question the logic.

**_~ Daddy's POV is senselessly erratic like Daddy's ADD on crack ~_**

Tamaki needed to talk to Kyouya.

Well, maybe not _talk_ talk, but he'd really wish those bothersome teachers would stop monopolizing Mommy-er, his best friend-and no more than that...friend-and woe, why is Kyouya ignoring him all day in favor of his textbooks and homework and bookkeeping!!

Nervously twiddling his fingers together, Tamaki focused on staring down M-his _friend's_ long thin elegant neck, wondering if he snatched away the keyboard that was so shamelessly enjoying the attention of Kyouya's long delicate fingers that he could survive the Shadow King's dark evil wrath.

Then Kyouya stood and turned around, making Tamaki jump and furtively wonder if he'd said that out loud. But Kyouya was smiling so it couldn't be that bad, right?

"What is it, 'Tousan'?"

Tamaki had certainly _intended _to talk to Kyouya, and he would, as soon as he remembered what he had planned on saying before he got distracted by teachers and homework and Mommy's evil wrath.

"Anou... 'Kasan'..."

Wait, that wasn't right. Wasn't he trying to avoid thinking of Mommy as... er...

"Out with it already, Tamaki. What did your father tell you at dinner _this time_?"

Oh yes, of course it was his father's fault, what with his talking about how he first met his mother and it was love at first sight and then later Father and Mother did what daddies and mommies do so they could have kids and wasn't it so MOVING! So BEAUTIFUL he could cry and share his joyous tears with the world! ...Or at least with Kyouya--

"MMPH!"

Kyouya's lips were soft and slightly open which made sense since he was pretty sure how this french kiss thing was supposed to work. Kyouya's body was a little stiff against him but Mommy was probably just a little shy about doing this outside the bedroom. But that was okay because they were Daddy and Mommy and they could do what daddies and mommies do and then...

_SLAM!_ "GYAH!!" "EH?!?"

...have that perfect family with the kids too.

Tamaki remained lost the haze of his fantasies for a few moments longer before finally realizing that Mommy had pushed him back enough to separate their lips.

"I guess that means Haruhi's ours then!"

And then reality came crashing down.

"WAAAHH!! Haruhi! Children mustn't walk in on Mommy and Daddy like that!"

Reality...such as it was.

Tamaki flailed about hysterically, trying to cover Haruhi's eyes, not noting the fact that she was just trying to breathe from his tight hold on her face. It was perhaps a blessing that his narrow focus prevented his mind from registering what else the Hitachiin twins were saying in the background.

"You think it was Tono's and Kyouya-senpai's first kiss?"

"That didn't _look _like a first kiss."

"Hey but if Tono already had Kyouya-senpai then why was he trying to fight us for Haruhi to begin with?"

"Maybe he's just a pervert."

"Kyouya-senpai probably know--uh oh."

The twins were the first to feel the tell-tale danger sign of their hairs rising up on the back of their necks, but soon even Tamaki registered the chilling aura of DOOM permeating the room. Slowly, he turned around and his eyes turned into pinpricks when he registered the dark cloud that was emanating from Kyouya.

"...m-mommy?"

_SLAM!_

In the next moment, the Hitachiin twins found themselves standing outside the Music Room doors again, holding a half-conscious Haruhi between them and their ears still ringing from Tamaki's last shriek. In unison, they looked at each other and slowly blinked, once. Then, in one smooth motion, Hikaru swung Haruhi's arm around his neck to take her full weight upon himself just as Kaoru reached out and pulled from nowhere a sign that he affixed to the clubroom door.

'Host Club Canceled Today Due To Family Affairs'

It was only the truth.

~ The end ~


End file.
